Sunday, July 30, 2006
Time
Okay, I am really sorry for taking so long to update my blog. I have had various entries half written over the last month and have finished them all today. So the last five entries are all new. Hope they make for interesting reading
All good things must come to an end?
It is time for the short term mission team from the UK to leave. As I left the team last night I found myself quite emotional. It is probably down to a number of things including tiredness and the fact that in some ways the team represents a home that I miss (last Sunday was my youngest nieces dedication service the first big family event I have missed since moving to NZ). But the major reason is that it is an ending of a community and that is sad to extent because we may not see each other again.
I have had a few conversations of late about how develop a healthy and strong Christian community. I have realised afresh over the last few weeks that it is not primarily programs or sharing personal struggles or anything like that which develops authentic Christian community. It is joining in evangelism that develops authentic Christian community.
Over the last few weeks the team's primary task has been to serve alongside the Christians students from the Massey Christian Fellowship and Overseas Christian Fellowship with the events and activities that they have arranged in order to reach out to their friends and wider campus community with the gospel as part of Jesus week.
They were a team who didn't really know each other before arriving here. They came together to do evangelism, they got to know each other as they prepared to do evangelism, they grew closer and stronger as they supported one another in their evangelism. Longer term I am confident that people will become Christians as a result of Jesus week.
Along the way they have experienced persecution (two team members have had family members back in England taken seriously ill, people have responded negatively to evangelism). They have gotten ill to varying degrees. They have experience the stress of getting used to a different country and culture. They have experienced the heartache of people rejecting the gospel but also the joy of people wanting to know more. They have joined together in pray for each other and for those they have been reaching out to with the gospel. They met together for bible study and training on evangelism. They have been servant hearted, humble and loving. They have had fun and laughter together and encouraged each other when there have been struggles. And it has all centered around evangelism. This is what authentic Christian life/community is like and how it is built (1 Corinthians 11; Philippians 1 : 2 - 5 & 27; 1 Thessalonians 2 : 2; Romans 10 : 14 - 17; Colossians 3 : 12 - 15).
As I left Palmerston North with the team I was struck by the thankfulness of those whom the UK team left behind. They had written cards, bought gifts, and turned up pretty early (for students anyway) to say goodbye as the team left. This was not emotional hype or put on sadness; the NZ students were thankful for the teams efforts alongside them and were said to be saying goodbye. Their service together had drawn them closer together and they had to say goodbye and that is sad.
As I then left the team last night I felt that sadness too. I will miss the team; I have been humbled by their example, they have been a huge encouragement, a joy to be around and a joy to be involved with. Driving home I flicked on the Lord of Rings: Fellowship of the ring sound track and I began to think how the departure of the team is like the breaking of the fellowship of the ring at the end of the first film. They came together for a specific task but end up separated. There is sadness at the separation but that separation is necessary in order for the primary objective to be achieved. In the Lord of the Rings the objective is the destruction of the ring of power. For us it is making disciples of all nations. The NZ students will continue on spreading the gospel here and the UK guys will continue on spreading the gospel in the places that they find themselves in the UK. Each person involved will take the experience and change that God has worked in them over this time on with them.
At the end of the Lord of the rings the fellowship is reunited as they have accomplished their mission. The team has been studying 1 and 2 Thessalonians whilst they have been here; one of the major themes in Thessalonians is that of Jesus return. For now good things (like short term mission teams) will come to an end but only until Jesus returns and brings the world as we know it to an end and all Christians are united with Him in the new creation. That is why the ending of the community is only sad to an extent because one day we will again be reunited.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Your mission should you choose to accept it
The last few days I have been helping out with what is generally called a Jesus Awareness week (or a mission week if you are in the UK).
The week has included lunch time talks around the theme of Who is Jesus and what would he say about various issues. "Who is Jesus" was written in chalk (this is allowed and we washed it off after) all over the campus. Across each day people were out giving flyers advertising the events, doing surveys to find out what students believed and having conversations about Christianity off of the surveys. In the evenings people had friends round for meals and shared testimonies, a couple of nights we gave away pancakes and chatted with folk about Jesus as we were asked why we were giving away pancakes. On the final day both the lunch time and evening talks were about Jesus and why he died on the cross.
A few non Christians have signed up to read the bible with someone, and a number of people have heard the gospel. This is what we are here for and it was great to be a part of it.
For myself I left encouraged, challenged and with questions. I was encouraged by a couple of great conversations I had (I have never been told before by a non Christian after a conversation about how we are all sinful and in need of rescue that "it is good that you are here because that is not what most New Zealanders think Christians are about") and other conversations had by students and other folk helping out with the week. I was challenged by the fact that I find surveys an uncomfortable evangelistic tool. But what alternatives are there and how can I help students try both surveys and other approaches of reaching those with whom we don't normally have contact? My biggest question is how do you stop "I don't care" being the end of a conversation about Jesus? This was a standard response from students and all of us found it difficult to move any further past that statement. But if it really is the general view amongst students here we need to find ways of engaging with it.
Some additional thoughts I've had since I wrote this originally:
The use of testimonies in a lunch time talk is very helpful. After the talk on what would Jesus say about racism a Christian student who used to be a neo-nazi gave his testimony. This really helped some people see how what had been said in the talk looked like in someone's life and took it from being a theory to a practice.
Secondly, the importance of listening. It is probably the same the world over but people here seem very sensitive to whether you are generally interested in what they have to say or are simply talking to them in order to communicate something about Christianity. Now sometimes we are talking to people simply in order to talk to them about Jesus but in the process we come across as not actually valuing people and what they have to say which we should be doing regardless of whether what they are saying is right or wrong and regardless of whether it is our first conversation or thousandth conversation with the person. Not only is this the model that the New Testament lays down for us but in practice I have found that if I have listened to what someone has to say they are for more open to me questioning their view and talking about Jesus.
Thirdly, and this is linked to the previous point, I am considering adding the question "Why do you think we are doing these surveys/having Jesus awareness week?" to future surveys I am involved in. All too often people have misconceptions as to why we do evangelism and these misconceptions colour the whole conversation. Hearing them say why they think we are doing what we do helps us realise some of the misconceptions that are out there and it gives us the chance to apologise if we have given the wrong impression and explain why we are really doing what we do: that the gospel really is good news that they really need to hear and that we are doing it because we love them.
The week has included lunch time talks around the theme of Who is Jesus and what would he say about various issues. "Who is Jesus" was written in chalk (this is allowed and we washed it off after) all over the campus. Across each day people were out giving flyers advertising the events, doing surveys to find out what students believed and having conversations about Christianity off of the surveys. In the evenings people had friends round for meals and shared testimonies, a couple of nights we gave away pancakes and chatted with folk about Jesus as we were asked why we were giving away pancakes. On the final day both the lunch time and evening talks were about Jesus and why he died on the cross.
A few non Christians have signed up to read the bible with someone, and a number of people have heard the gospel. This is what we are here for and it was great to be a part of it.
For myself I left encouraged, challenged and with questions. I was encouraged by a couple of great conversations I had (I have never been told before by a non Christian after a conversation about how we are all sinful and in need of rescue that "it is good that you are here because that is not what most New Zealanders think Christians are about") and other conversations had by students and other folk helping out with the week. I was challenged by the fact that I find surveys an uncomfortable evangelistic tool. But what alternatives are there and how can I help students try both surveys and other approaches of reaching those with whom we don't normally have contact? My biggest question is how do you stop "I don't care" being the end of a conversation about Jesus? This was a standard response from students and all of us found it difficult to move any further past that statement. But if it really is the general view amongst students here we need to find ways of engaging with it.
Some additional thoughts I've had since I wrote this originally:
The use of testimonies in a lunch time talk is very helpful. After the talk on what would Jesus say about racism a Christian student who used to be a neo-nazi gave his testimony. This really helped some people see how what had been said in the talk looked like in someone's life and took it from being a theory to a practice.
Secondly, the importance of listening. It is probably the same the world over but people here seem very sensitive to whether you are generally interested in what they have to say or are simply talking to them in order to communicate something about Christianity. Now sometimes we are talking to people simply in order to talk to them about Jesus but in the process we come across as not actually valuing people and what they have to say which we should be doing regardless of whether what they are saying is right or wrong and regardless of whether it is our first conversation or thousandth conversation with the person. Not only is this the model that the New Testament lays down for us but in practice I have found that if I have listened to what someone has to say they are for more open to me questioning their view and talking about Jesus.
Thirdly, and this is linked to the previous point, I am considering adding the question "Why do you think we are doing these surveys/having Jesus awareness week?" to future surveys I am involved in. All too often people have misconceptions as to why we do evangelism and these misconceptions colour the whole conversation. Hearing them say why they think we are doing what we do helps us realise some of the misconceptions that are out there and it gives us the chance to apologise if we have given the wrong impression and explain why we are really doing what we do: that the gospel really is good news that they really need to hear and that we are doing it because we love them.
Sunday, July 23, 2006
Rugby
Yesterday I went to see the All Blacks play South Africa at rugby. It was amazing (better pictures coming soon)!
The game itself was okay but the atmosphere was was really made the difference. Being there with thousands of other supporters cheering people on. One thing really struck me: Why did people (me included) get more excited (at least externally) when a player gets a try than we do when someone becomes a Christian?
Friday, July 21, 2006
Afternoons and coffee spoons
This week has been one of those occasions were I have felt a bit confused and frustrated as English man in New Zealand. Previously in England after 2 years as a student and 4 years with UCCF I was pretty used to busy and quiet points in the year. At the TSCF conference and someone from England commented on how they felt they should be on holiday from university and that it should be summer not winter.
I hadn't really thought much about it but I came back into work after a few days off to find all sorts of conversations needing to be had with students who were thinking about being group leaders for the Christian Union and International Christian Fellowship. I didn't want this - I wanted a quiet few weeks. In my old world this should be happening in January February time not now! People had warned me that Annual General Meetings were coming but for a number of reasons I hadn't really taken it in that AGMs meant new leaders.
To be honest all too often I feel like I am reacting or responding rather than preempting or being proactive. I guess the lessons to learn are to stop and listen regardless of how busy I am may be (and the run up to the conference was busy!) but also to ask questions about what lies ahead month by month.
Anyway, my average coffee intake of an afternoon has doubled this week due to having coffee with potential leaders. It has been a wonderful time of getting to know students better, hearing ideas on different ways that the work on campus can be developed and what mission at Victoria should or could look like. But has also been encouraging to help some students begin to think through what it means to be committed to Christian service, be it a TSCF group or youth work or church based group. All too often commitment is based on what the individual gets or does not get out of a group that they are involved in rather than being committed to building other Christians up (Ephesians 4) and being missional (Matthew 28). Thankfully this is not always a deliberate approach to commitment and some people respond positively when questioned but others sadly do not see it as a problem.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Back to the Cross
The conference is over.
There are so many things I could say and much has already been said by other folk (Andy, Nigel, Scott for example) on their blogs which is basically what I'd be repeating so I'll settle for saying that I agree wholeheartedly with them.
One story that I would add from a student here in Wellington:
Before I went to conference I used to wonder why God couldn't just zap sin and make it go away. I now realise that He could not do that as if He did He would no longer be a just and good God. I now realise why the cross is so important.
Shortly after sharing this the student went on to volunteer to be involved in leading one of the campus groups here in Wellington. This is what I prayed and longed to see as a result of the July conference. Students coming away not only understanding the gospel better but that understanding being worked out in their day by day lives and choices after the conference
Other significant conversations have been had with students at the conference and following on from the conference. Things are different. People are different.For myself I have been struck and therefore horrified by how little I care about the dire situation that those who are not Christians are in. I have also been struck by how theoretical I have become about evangelism. I can talk about evangelistic strategies and ideas but am I putting it into practice in my own life? Not really, aside from a couple of conversations with people as I have flown on planes to various places. I can all too easily excuse myself by the fact that it is difficult to make non-Christian friends when I spend most of my time with Christians. I need to think more about how I use casual conversations (be it on planes or buses or in cues or cafes) as well as looking to develop meaningful friendships with non-Christians.
I have also realised afresh and deeper that a key motivation in doing evangelism is how deeply we are struck and gripped by how much good news the gospel is.
Many folk have said that the song for the conference and the song that in many ways sums up the conference is in Christ Alone and I very much agree. But a song that I have listened to a few times since the conference is the hymn "It is well with my Soul". I recognise that the hymn was written by a man in far worse circumstances that I have ever yet to experience but the following verse struck me in particular:
I'd prefer the word truth to the word 'thought' but never the less it sums up some of what I thinking and feeling since the conference. Jesus paid the penalty for my sin through His death on the cross. This changes everything in this life and the next. Praise the Lord, praise the Lord oh my soul!My sin oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin not in part but the whole
Was nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord oh my soul!
Monday, June 19, 2006
For my culture part 2
Culture shock. As far as I can tell it is the term used for emotional and mental distress and confusion that comes from experiencing the differences between a persons normal country/culture and a country/culture which they find themselves.
I think that is what I may have been experiencing the last few days. I really didn't see it coming as (like I said in my last post) I was okay with coming back here. But in retrospect coming back again has made the differences between New Zealand and the UK all the more apparent.
What I have realised is that I have a set of presuppositions that my life runs upon. Or more specifically that my life in the UK was run upon. They took a number of sizes and shapes, from theology to relationships to practical day to day life stuff. I suspect that we all have them. Whether or not we do and whatever are presuppositions may be, they may or may not be right or wrong but they are things that we take as givens for day to day life.
Across a few days last week I begin to realise that mine didn't work in New Zealand and that was a very unsettling experience and had some bad effects.
In terms of theology I realised that a number of folk disagreed with my view on a few issues that back in the UK was not the case. Most were secondary issues that we could agree to disagree on but because it happened a number of times it had the bad effect of putting me on the defensive. Confidence on doctrine should never rest in whether it is held by the largest number of people. What I should have done was gone back to the bible and re-examined my views but what I did instead was I turned into a theology policeman; I would pick up and comment on anything I perceived as being of the mark, now matter how minor it may be.
Relationally I again became aware that though I have friends here I still have some way to go in terms of having very close friends like those who I had spent time with in the UK. Perhaps what I realised is that history is important. The length of time you have known someone affects how much you trust each other and strangely so does the memories of life; be it fun, sad or otherwise.
Practically I wish that New Zealand had central heating rather than thermal clothes and electric blankets!
All these things in isolation would be okay but put them all together and it becomes very unsettling and isolating.
Last weekend was my churches men's weekend away. It was great; a chance to think through what it means to be men of God off the back of some helpful and insightful teaching and a chance to get to know some guys from church. But because of the unsettlingness of last week I struggled to get past the fact that New Zealand guys really like sport and I didn't all that much. But in the final session we talked a little about our identity being in Christ (Ephesians 1 v 13 to 18). I realised to my horror that I was defining myself by all the wrong things: what I believed on secondary issues, who my friends were and what I did in terms if ministry. I needed to repent of this.
Yet I still felt isolated. I looked at my life I realised I was still an alien. The truths I had learned as to not being alone did not move me either.
My church has just finished a series on the names of God. We took a brief look at all the ones we had covered and in a quiet time of reflection God spoke to me. I realised that He is unchanging as is His Gospel (Hebrews 13 v 8) and I have a choice as to how I respond to him and how He reveals himself in His word.
That was my revelation for the weekend. The presuppositions that I run my life upon my change but that is okay because God is unchanging as is His word. Providing my presuppositions are always based upon that fundamental truth then change need not be so traumatic. I also have a choice. I can chose to focus on me or I can lift my focus to God and praise Him for who He is and what He has done for us in Christ.
What was the result? Joy in and towards God, thankfulness for all His gifts to me both here and in the UK, inner peace and conversation. Without knowing anything of how I was feeling some new friends I had made over the weekend from Church asked me how I was adjusting to my return and it was helpful to share with them.
I think that is what I may have been experiencing the last few days. I really didn't see it coming as (like I said in my last post) I was okay with coming back here. But in retrospect coming back again has made the differences between New Zealand and the UK all the more apparent.
What I have realised is that I have a set of presuppositions that my life runs upon. Or more specifically that my life in the UK was run upon. They took a number of sizes and shapes, from theology to relationships to practical day to day life stuff. I suspect that we all have them. Whether or not we do and whatever are presuppositions may be, they may or may not be right or wrong but they are things that we take as givens for day to day life.
Across a few days last week I begin to realise that mine didn't work in New Zealand and that was a very unsettling experience and had some bad effects.
In terms of theology I realised that a number of folk disagreed with my view on a few issues that back in the UK was not the case. Most were secondary issues that we could agree to disagree on but because it happened a number of times it had the bad effect of putting me on the defensive. Confidence on doctrine should never rest in whether it is held by the largest number of people. What I should have done was gone back to the bible and re-examined my views but what I did instead was I turned into a theology policeman; I would pick up and comment on anything I perceived as being of the mark, now matter how minor it may be.
Relationally I again became aware that though I have friends here I still have some way to go in terms of having very close friends like those who I had spent time with in the UK. Perhaps what I realised is that history is important. The length of time you have known someone affects how much you trust each other and strangely so does the memories of life; be it fun, sad or otherwise.
Practically I wish that New Zealand had central heating rather than thermal clothes and electric blankets!
All these things in isolation would be okay but put them all together and it becomes very unsettling and isolating.
Last weekend was my churches men's weekend away. It was great; a chance to think through what it means to be men of God off the back of some helpful and insightful teaching and a chance to get to know some guys from church. But because of the unsettlingness of last week I struggled to get past the fact that New Zealand guys really like sport and I didn't all that much. But in the final session we talked a little about our identity being in Christ (Ephesians 1 v 13 to 18). I realised to my horror that I was defining myself by all the wrong things: what I believed on secondary issues, who my friends were and what I did in terms if ministry. I needed to repent of this.
Yet I still felt isolated. I looked at my life I realised I was still an alien. The truths I had learned as to not being alone did not move me either.
My church has just finished a series on the names of God. We took a brief look at all the ones we had covered and in a quiet time of reflection God spoke to me. I realised that He is unchanging as is His Gospel (Hebrews 13 v 8) and I have a choice as to how I respond to him and how He reveals himself in His word.
That was my revelation for the weekend. The presuppositions that I run my life upon my change but that is okay because God is unchanging as is His word. Providing my presuppositions are always based upon that fundamental truth then change need not be so traumatic. I also have a choice. I can chose to focus on me or I can lift my focus to God and praise Him for who He is and what He has done for us in Christ.
What was the result? Joy in and towards God, thankfulness for all His gifts to me both here and in the UK, inner peace and conversation. Without knowing anything of how I was feeling some new friends I had made over the weekend from Church asked me how I was adjusting to my return and it was helpful to share with them.
Saturday, June 10, 2006
There and Back Again
It is difficult to sum up two weeks of what I wasn't expecting, but I'll give it a go.
The first thing to say is my thanks for all the prayers, sympathy, support and encouragement I have received from folk via email, text and conversation; they really have meant a lot and have been very helpful, so again, thank you.
The funeral was my first for a very close family member. It was very sad as we will all miss my grandfather but it was also a time of real encouragement. The minister from my Grandfathers church preached a great sermon as to the hope for eternity that Christians have and did so in such as way as to challenge those there who were not Christians and encourage those who were Christians. Afterward all who attended were invited on to a nearby hotel. It was great to be able to meet with family and folk who knew my Grandfather and remember and celebrate his life. The quote for the day goes to my oldest (7 years old) niece: "It's a shame we couldn't have had this party two weeks ago, then Granddad George could have come. He'd have really enjoyed it". None of us were sure what to say in reply but it seemed an appropriate way to sum up the day.
Then followed 10 days with friends and family around the country. It was really great to have the opportunity to catch up with a few folk. It also brought the additional reassurance that relationships are workable over very long distance. Though much had changed in many ways it was like I had never been away. Hooray for video conferencing, email, MSN and Skype! But an even bigger hooray for the people involved in using them with me!
I also learnt a few lessons along the way, some of which I had learnt before but had been quick to forget. The first was that (like I said back when I left for the first time) it is not really possible to communicate to people how much you appreciate their friendship, which frustrated me at first but thankfully I remembered that this is just how it is. But there is now the additional factor of knowing that (at least in the short term) thought relationships change they can still remain strong even though I do not see people anywhere near as regularly as I once did. Which is both reassuring and encouraging!
I mentioned in my last blog entry how much I love my job. Part of that has been a realisation that I can contribute to things here, Not that I have it all figured out or think more of myself than I should, but it has been great to be able to be involved in speaking at the Wellington groups and be involved in training leaders here in Wellington which are areas that I'd generally hung back from during my time with UCCF. But it has disturbed me how easy it is for confidence to morph into overconfidence and then arrogance and that is something within me that I become more aware of whilst back home and I will have to watch out for as it is a dangerous thing.
Very quickly I had been there and it was time to come back again. It was sad to leave again but no way near as difficult as when I left in January. Not that I care in any way lass then when I left in January! But from the UK perspective I know that (as I have outlined above) it is okay. And from the perspective of New Zealand, as I outlined in my last blog post, it is where I belong for now.
So I am really thankful that God has in His grace has used a potentially difficult trip back home to give me a chance to catch up with folk back home, to reassure me that it is possible to maintain meaningful relationships with family and friends back home, give me chance to reflect on the last few months, and generally know that New Zealand is where I am supposed to be for now.
The first thing to say is my thanks for all the prayers, sympathy, support and encouragement I have received from folk via email, text and conversation; they really have meant a lot and have been very helpful, so again, thank you.
The funeral was my first for a very close family member. It was very sad as we will all miss my grandfather but it was also a time of real encouragement. The minister from my Grandfathers church preached a great sermon as to the hope for eternity that Christians have and did so in such as way as to challenge those there who were not Christians and encourage those who were Christians. Afterward all who attended were invited on to a nearby hotel. It was great to be able to meet with family and folk who knew my Grandfather and remember and celebrate his life. The quote for the day goes to my oldest (7 years old) niece: "It's a shame we couldn't have had this party two weeks ago, then Granddad George could have come. He'd have really enjoyed it". None of us were sure what to say in reply but it seemed an appropriate way to sum up the day.
Then followed 10 days with friends and family around the country. It was really great to have the opportunity to catch up with a few folk. It also brought the additional reassurance that relationships are workable over very long distance. Though much had changed in many ways it was like I had never been away. Hooray for video conferencing, email, MSN and Skype! But an even bigger hooray for the people involved in using them with me!
I also learnt a few lessons along the way, some of which I had learnt before but had been quick to forget. The first was that (like I said back when I left for the first time) it is not really possible to communicate to people how much you appreciate their friendship, which frustrated me at first but thankfully I remembered that this is just how it is. But there is now the additional factor of knowing that (at least in the short term) thought relationships change they can still remain strong even though I do not see people anywhere near as regularly as I once did. Which is both reassuring and encouraging!
I mentioned in my last blog entry how much I love my job. Part of that has been a realisation that I can contribute to things here, Not that I have it all figured out or think more of myself than I should, but it has been great to be able to be involved in speaking at the Wellington groups and be involved in training leaders here in Wellington which are areas that I'd generally hung back from during my time with UCCF. But it has disturbed me how easy it is for confidence to morph into overconfidence and then arrogance and that is something within me that I become more aware of whilst back home and I will have to watch out for as it is a dangerous thing.
Very quickly I had been there and it was time to come back again. It was sad to leave again but no way near as difficult as when I left in January. Not that I care in any way lass then when I left in January! But from the UK perspective I know that (as I have outlined above) it is okay. And from the perspective of New Zealand, as I outlined in my last blog post, it is where I belong for now.
So I am really thankful that God has in His grace has used a potentially difficult trip back home to give me a chance to catch up with folk back home, to reassure me that it is possible to maintain meaningful relationships with family and friends back home, give me chance to reflect on the last few months, and generally know that New Zealand is where I am supposed to be for now.
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Thinking home
Now I head home. The last few days have given me the opportunity to take stock of where things are up to as I take a break from things here.
It has given me the opportunity to realise anew (see previous post a while back) that God has by his grace been changing me. I am mystified by how I have been engaging with the news of my Grandfather going to be with Christ. Not for one minute that I am not sad that he is gone but I have confidence that he is with Christ and know this is gain for my grandfather and I am happy for him. Also I do feel more settled here. I love my job/ministry, I am more settled in the church that I am going to, I have friends; All things that I will miss and these are all things that I would not have been able to say a little as six weeks ago. I am also very thankful for the support, prayers, encouragement and love that I have been shown by friends (both here and in the UK), colleagues and my Church here. It is one of those occasions when simply saying thank you feels insufficient. Not that I am looking through rose tinted spectacles; I still have much to learn and I still have much to get used to. But New Zealand is now my home.
I have been searching for a plan for how I have gotten to this point - I like to to be able to understand things in step by step processes. But I have realised that this is not always how the Christian life works. I realise that the majority of this change is of God by his grace through His word. And I do not bring anything to that equation except my excitement at the evidence of God being at work in my life (if you'll allow me to say that) and my praise to Him for that. It is also God prayers that have been said on my behalf and answering my prayers for which I am also very thankful. But as friends have pointed out to me, I have been obedient and followed Gods call in coming to New Zealand so from that perspective I have played my part too.
So, ready or not England here I come.
I have to say as I sit here in Auckland International airport prepraing to board my flight to my other home I have to say that right now I feel more towards the or not part of the above statement. I am not sure that I am really ready for my Grandfathers funeral, I am not sure how I am going to feel when I return to my other home here in New Zealand in a few weeks time. But I am sure that I am looking forward to spending time with my family and friends, to having a break and I know that God has a plan in all this although in many ways it is far from clear to me now.
Time to board the plane!
It has given me the opportunity to realise anew (see previous post a while back) that God has by his grace been changing me. I am mystified by how I have been engaging with the news of my Grandfather going to be with Christ. Not for one minute that I am not sad that he is gone but I have confidence that he is with Christ and know this is gain for my grandfather and I am happy for him. Also I do feel more settled here. I love my job/ministry, I am more settled in the church that I am going to, I have friends; All things that I will miss and these are all things that I would not have been able to say a little as six weeks ago. I am also very thankful for the support, prayers, encouragement and love that I have been shown by friends (both here and in the UK), colleagues and my Church here. It is one of those occasions when simply saying thank you feels insufficient. Not that I am looking through rose tinted spectacles; I still have much to learn and I still have much to get used to. But New Zealand is now my home.
I have been searching for a plan for how I have gotten to this point - I like to to be able to understand things in step by step processes. But I have realised that this is not always how the Christian life works. I realise that the majority of this change is of God by his grace through His word. And I do not bring anything to that equation except my excitement at the evidence of God being at work in my life (if you'll allow me to say that) and my praise to Him for that. It is also God prayers that have been said on my behalf and answering my prayers for which I am also very thankful. But as friends have pointed out to me, I have been obedient and followed Gods call in coming to New Zealand so from that perspective I have played my part too.
So, ready or not England here I come.
I have to say as I sit here in Auckland International airport prepraing to board my flight to my other home I have to say that right now I feel more towards the or not part of the above statement. I am not sure that I am really ready for my Grandfathers funeral, I am not sure how I am going to feel when I return to my other home here in New Zealand in a few weeks time. But I am sure that I am looking forward to spending time with my family and friends, to having a break and I know that God has a plan in all this although in many ways it is far from clear to me now.
Time to board the plane!
Sunday, May 21, 2006
Words
Because of a death in my family I have been thinking about the word death this week. To be honest nobody close to me has died before so I have never really had cause to think about it in this way before.
I do not like the word. There are a number of reasons why I do not like it. Some are thought some are emotionally. On a emotional level I think it is because at a fundamental level I realise that death is not how things are supposed to be; it makes me uncomfortable and it should.
But I also know that death is part of the curse which resulted from the fall of mankind (see Genesis 3; Romans 6 v 23). But as Christians we need not fear death (2 Timothy 1 v 10). Christ freed us from the curse by his death on the cross. So therefore when I speak of people I know who are Christians I don't think I should be talking about their death
I have been using the phrase "passed away" instead. Now I do not think there is anything intrinsically wrong with this phrase but I do not think it accurately explains what happens when Christians die and to be honest I don't really understand what it means.
So for now I have settled on the phrase "he is with Christ". Which is how Paul talks about his death in his letter to the Philippians (1 v 21 to 23). I still haven't entirely gotten my head around how why Paul also refers to those who are with Christ as being "asleep" in Christ (1 Corinthians 15 v 18), I need to think about that some more.
I like the phrase because it more accuratly explains the reality. Paul says my grandfathers death is his gain so I can rejoice for my grandfather in that.
But I also like it because it opens up the possability for conversations about the hope gospel gives when people (for want of a better expression) die. The need to share the gospel has become more apperent to me because I have realised how utterly terrible it would have been if my Grandfather were not a Christian. Heaven shows hell to be the horrific thing that it is and the dire situation folk who have not trusted in Christ are in.
I do not like the word. There are a number of reasons why I do not like it. Some are thought some are emotionally. On a emotional level I think it is because at a fundamental level I realise that death is not how things are supposed to be; it makes me uncomfortable and it should.
But I also know that death is part of the curse which resulted from the fall of mankind (see Genesis 3; Romans 6 v 23). But as Christians we need not fear death (2 Timothy 1 v 10). Christ freed us from the curse by his death on the cross. So therefore when I speak of people I know who are Christians I don't think I should be talking about their death
I have been using the phrase "passed away" instead. Now I do not think there is anything intrinsically wrong with this phrase but I do not think it accurately explains what happens when Christians die and to be honest I don't really understand what it means.
So for now I have settled on the phrase "he is with Christ". Which is how Paul talks about his death in his letter to the Philippians (1 v 21 to 23). I still haven't entirely gotten my head around how why Paul also refers to those who are with Christ as being "asleep" in Christ (1 Corinthians 15 v 18), I need to think about that some more.
I like the phrase because it more accuratly explains the reality. Paul says my grandfathers death is his gain so I can rejoice for my grandfather in that.
But I also like it because it opens up the possability for conversations about the hope gospel gives when people (for want of a better expression) die. The need to share the gospel has become more apperent to me because I have realised how utterly terrible it would have been if my Grandfather were not a Christian. Heaven shows hell to be the horrific thing that it is and the dire situation folk who have not trusted in Christ are in.
Saturday, May 20, 2006
George Banwell
My Grandfather went to be with Christ on the 14th May.
My earliest memory of my Grandfather and I guess may grandparents is having home made cream soda in his garden in the summer. It was very simple: one mug of lemonade with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. My family all loved it. I have many happy memories playing with my brothers and sisters and cousins in his garden drinking cream soda.
Music has been a big feature of my life. My earliest memory of music is at my Grandfathers house playing in what I think was called an accordion. You pressed a button and it played a chord. You run your finger up an down a metal strip and it moved through the notes in the chord. I loved the sound it made and he would always let me play on it.
There are also some less politically correct memories. The funniest being him chasing his border-collie called Blackie across a field of African men shouting "come here blackie"!
But there are also many attributes that he modeled that I will remember and try to hold in my own life.
As Christians we are called to let or "yes be yes and our no be no" Matt. 5 v 37. You were rarely left in any doubt as to what my Grandfather thought and in a culture where people can be all to willing to tell you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear, his approach was not only biblical but needed.
He had a an ability to see past the peoples mistakes and bad decisions and see the good in their hearts.
I have been humbled by his response to all that happened over the last few weeks. From the calm confidence that he was going to be with Christ and the testimony that he shared with his doctor to the fact that one of his priorities over his final few days was to shield those he cared about from the discomfort of his final few weeks. He demonstrated such inner strength.
Skip back a few months and you have me preparing to leave for New Zealand. One particular fear that I had not been able to clear was what relationships with my family would be like when I came back after 3 or more years. Many people had told me it was an understandable fear as did my Grandfather. But what he gently shared with me was that how he was away for over 5 years fighting in the second world war. He told me how he came back after 5 years at war and his relationships with he family were still good (and I have seen that to be the case) and that I was going overseas to do Christian work and that when I cam back I could be confident that things would be okay. Those words quieted that fear. But it also an example of how much he cared (which was something he showed in many other ways too) in that he was willing to share from what must have been a difficult part of his life in order to help me.
One of the biggest lessons he taught me (and he taught it to my parents first and then taught it to us himself and through them) is the importance of family. From making family a priority to being aware of what is going on in each others lives; Basically loving and valuing each other regardless of circumstance. Being so far away from may family this is something I have come to value and realise in a new way. We live in a culture where family is becoming less and less important, sadly even amongst Christians. It may not be the most important thing I have learned from him but certainly one of the things I value the most.
There is so much more I could say and this is far from adequate and far from complete but I wanted to write something.
My earliest memory of my Grandfather and I guess may grandparents is having home made cream soda in his garden in the summer. It was very simple: one mug of lemonade with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. My family all loved it. I have many happy memories playing with my brothers and sisters and cousins in his garden drinking cream soda.
Music has been a big feature of my life. My earliest memory of music is at my Grandfathers house playing in what I think was called an accordion. You pressed a button and it played a chord. You run your finger up an down a metal strip and it moved through the notes in the chord. I loved the sound it made and he would always let me play on it.
There are also some less politically correct memories. The funniest being him chasing his border-collie called Blackie across a field of African men shouting "come here blackie"!
But there are also many attributes that he modeled that I will remember and try to hold in my own life.
As Christians we are called to let or "yes be yes and our no be no" Matt. 5 v 37. You were rarely left in any doubt as to what my Grandfather thought and in a culture where people can be all to willing to tell you what you want to hear rather than what you need to hear, his approach was not only biblical but needed.
He had a an ability to see past the peoples mistakes and bad decisions and see the good in their hearts.
I have been humbled by his response to all that happened over the last few weeks. From the calm confidence that he was going to be with Christ and the testimony that he shared with his doctor to the fact that one of his priorities over his final few days was to shield those he cared about from the discomfort of his final few weeks. He demonstrated such inner strength.
Skip back a few months and you have me preparing to leave for New Zealand. One particular fear that I had not been able to clear was what relationships with my family would be like when I came back after 3 or more years. Many people had told me it was an understandable fear as did my Grandfather. But what he gently shared with me was that how he was away for over 5 years fighting in the second world war. He told me how he came back after 5 years at war and his relationships with he family were still good (and I have seen that to be the case) and that I was going overseas to do Christian work and that when I cam back I could be confident that things would be okay. Those words quieted that fear. But it also an example of how much he cared (which was something he showed in many other ways too) in that he was willing to share from what must have been a difficult part of his life in order to help me.
One of the biggest lessons he taught me (and he taught it to my parents first and then taught it to us himself and through them) is the importance of family. From making family a priority to being aware of what is going on in each others lives; Basically loving and valuing each other regardless of circumstance. Being so far away from may family this is something I have come to value and realise in a new way. We live in a culture where family is becoming less and less important, sadly even amongst Christians. It may not be the most important thing I have learned from him but certainly one of the things I value the most.
There is so much more I could say and this is far from adequate and far from complete but I wanted to write something.
Monday, May 15, 2006
The ground beneath my feet
Well, today's earthquake I definitely felt. Check out this site for more information. I have to say it was a fairly scary thing, kind of like being shaken really fast but the whole house is shaking rather than me. I few things fell off of shelves this time which is probably what woke me up as I slept through the previous quake I was in Wellington for.
On a completely different note in the past few weeks I have been struck again by God's grace in that he has used a set of difficult circumstances to work for good. He has promised to do this (Romans 8 v 28) so I shouldn't really be surprised that He has kept his word but I am truly thankful that He does.
On a completely different note in the past few weeks I have been struck again by God's grace in that he has used a set of difficult circumstances to work for good. He has promised to do this (Romans 8 v 28) so I shouldn't really be surprised that He has kept his word but I am truly thankful that He does.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Its only words
Okay, after a few more serious posts, time for a few more kiwi-isms that have made me smile:
Wop-wops = Rural areas that are in the middle of nowhere
Tiki Tour = Scenic route
Hosing down = raining heavily
Hottie = Hot water bottle
Pike out = To give up when something is too difficult
Rattle your dags = Get moving quickly
Bit of a dag = Comedian, joker, or hard case
Dag = Sheep excrement that gets caught around the tail of the sheep
Wop-wops = Rural areas that are in the middle of nowhere
Tiki Tour = Scenic route
Hosing down = raining heavily
Hottie = Hot water bottle
Pike out = To give up when something is too difficult
Rattle your dags = Get moving quickly
Bit of a dag = Comedian, joker, or hard case
Dag = Sheep excrement that gets caught around the tail of the sheep
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Not Alone
Okay, the first thing to say is thanks for all the comments and emails of encouragement after my last blog entry. The second thing to say is to apologise if I have given the impression I am struggling more than I actually am. Sure, I had a bad day last week but those happen to us all from time to time. Based upon some of the responses I have had I have worried a few people and that was far from my intention. I guess the lesson for me to learn is when posting here is to think through in more detail how people a long way away are going to interpret what I have written.
My intentions when writing my last post were two fold:
- Writing helps me process what I have been learning and wanted and needed to remember what I wrote in my last post
- I hoped that in some small way it might offer encouragement to people facing similar struggles
So again, my thanks for all the care and encouragement I have received over the last few days, it has been very much appreciated and my apologies for any worry I have caused.
A few more thoughts of the back of my last post:
Praise God for technology! I was able to video conference with most of family over the weekend and was amazing to not only be able to talk to some of the people I really care about but see them too, and be it in a limited way participate in life back home. My various nephews and nieces performed various party tricks (once they had gotten over some of the novelty of seeing both me and themselves on a computer screen) which was enough to keep me smiling for weeks!
As a result I have found a new level of respect for missionaries in the past and present who have been to countries where communication be it verbal or visual is not possible.
Finally, in response to the question I posed in the title of my last post. Are we ever alone? The answer is no. Each of us has friends & family / people we care about and people who care about us, be it close by or scattered around the world. For those of us who are Christians we have the addition of being part of the global church which means wherever we go there will always members of our Christian family nearby. We can also have the amazing eternal aspect that we will spend eternity with them in heaven. But most importantly we have our relationship with God; something that can never be affected by geography of pretty much anything really.
So (and this will sound clichéd but that does not mean it is untrue) in answer to the question are we ever alone, the answer is no. We will never be alone; the worst we will ever be is physically apart.
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Alone?
Time to bear a little more of my heart. Last night was the first night in a long time where I struggled to sleep for emotional reasons. I felt overwhelmed, exhausted, alone and yearned for someone to hug me and tell me it was all going to be okay. I wanted someone to tell me that they loved me unconditionally.
As I lay there in my bed I remembered a lesson I was taught over nearly four and a half years ago by a friend of mine. I am more sinful than I can understand but more loved than I can begin to imagine (or words to that effect). At the time this caused some tremors in my life. I did not find it hard to see myself as sinful but I know I will never fully grasp how sinful I am in this life (and later I came to understand that this is directly related to how I will never fully understand how loved I am). But the earthquake then came from the second half. I am more loved than I can possibly imagine. I am? At that point in my life I was struggling very much under a works mentality. I was doing a year as a Relay worker largely out of a desire on my part to make amends to God for the bad job I had made of being a Christian Union leader and in various other areas of my life. Being taught well about Grace for the first time began to turn my world on its head then and led to change in direction for my life. I could and did not need to make amends for my sin as Christ has already done it.
Four and a half years later I find myself here. Lonely, tired, and overwhelmed. And it is grace that gives me hope (and I hope and pray it will always be where I look for it). But there as I tried to sleep I was looking for another human being to play a role that they were never intended to and never could really play. I then remembered that I don't need someone to tell me I'm okay, I know I am okay. Jesus death on the cross changes my status before God. It atoned for my sin once and for all. How do I know I am loved? I could refer to any one of many passages in the bible but John 3 v 16 will do for now.
Then I went to sleep.
This is not for one minute saying that I don't need, value or appreciate the support of friends and family. Rather it is saying that I am (for now at least) looking at it from the right perspective again.
As I lay there in my bed I remembered a lesson I was taught over nearly four and a half years ago by a friend of mine. I am more sinful than I can understand but more loved than I can begin to imagine (or words to that effect). At the time this caused some tremors in my life. I did not find it hard to see myself as sinful but I know I will never fully grasp how sinful I am in this life (and later I came to understand that this is directly related to how I will never fully understand how loved I am). But the earthquake then came from the second half. I am more loved than I can possibly imagine. I am? At that point in my life I was struggling very much under a works mentality. I was doing a year as a Relay worker largely out of a desire on my part to make amends to God for the bad job I had made of being a Christian Union leader and in various other areas of my life. Being taught well about Grace for the first time began to turn my world on its head then and led to change in direction for my life. I could and did not need to make amends for my sin as Christ has already done it.
Four and a half years later I find myself here. Lonely, tired, and overwhelmed. And it is grace that gives me hope (and I hope and pray it will always be where I look for it). But there as I tried to sleep I was looking for another human being to play a role that they were never intended to and never could really play. I then remembered that I don't need someone to tell me I'm okay, I know I am okay. Jesus death on the cross changes my status before God. It atoned for my sin once and for all. How do I know I am loved? I could refer to any one of many passages in the bible but John 3 v 16 will do for now.
Then I went to sleep.
This is not for one minute saying that I don't need, value or appreciate the support of friends and family. Rather it is saying that I am (for now at least) looking at it from the right perspective again.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
A long way from where I wanted to be
This week I have had my first experiences of a crises type event at home. My Grandfather was taken into the hospital with problems with his breathing. The did some tests and were unhappy with the results but due to the medication he is on they were unable to do any further tests.
For the first few days I was unable to do anything except phone my family. The time difference was extremely frustrating I was very distressed about the fact that I could not be there with my family. After a few days of stressing it was time to take stock.
I remembered a lesson that I have already mentioned here but again had been quick to forget: prayer is important and I can and must entrust the people I care about into God's care through it. Secondly, to be thankful. Thankful for the time I have had with my Grandfather and very thankful that he is a Christian. Should he pass away before I can see him face to face again I know I will see him again in heaven where all the forces which are attacking his body will no longer be a problem.
For the first few days I was unable to do anything except phone my family. The time difference was extremely frustrating I was very distressed about the fact that I could not be there with my family. After a few days of stressing it was time to take stock.
I remembered a lesson that I have already mentioned here but again had been quick to forget: prayer is important and I can and must entrust the people I care about into God's care through it. Secondly, to be thankful. Thankful for the time I have had with my Grandfather and very thankful that he is a Christian. Should he pass away before I can see him face to face again I know I will see him again in heaven where all the forces which are attacking his body will no longer be a problem.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
No Comment
For a few weeks now I have been wondering why no-one leaves comments on my blog, I have just discovered comment monitoring which I have now switched off and low and behold lots of comments appeared! Considering web stuff is my job you'd think I'd have figured this out a while ago! Whoops!
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
More Randomness
I now have a nice new car that I am very excited about. It has all sorts of new toys from electric wing mirrors to drivers air bag. It has a little more power than the mighty Skoda (my previous car) and due to my rather speedy pulling away whilst getting used to it I learnt a new word: hoon.
hoon = equivalent term for "Boy racer" in the UK
flat white coffee = How to order and ordinary coffee when in a coffee shop in New Zealand. I asked if fizzy was an option and was politely informed that it was "flat" because the milk was "flat" as opposed to frothy
Wise words from the lads on the subject of God: "You specialise in comebacks". For more see their website
Doing the whole tourist thing I went to watch the West Indies play the New Zealand Black Caps. I was very excited to learn that Brian Lara (the guy whose named cricket computer game I used to play back in the day) was playing! Sadly he did not perform very well. He was out for one run in both their innings.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Transformers
Well, in a little over 19 hours I will have been in New Zealand for two months!
I would be writing this post tomorrow but as tomorrow is the weekend I will have limited email access so I am writing this a day early.
I am astounded by the fact that I am still doing alright. I know I should probably not be so surprised, but the last move I made I was by this sort of time feeling dreadful and falling to pieces. I remember 2 Corinthians 3 v 17:
But saying that I do not feel dreadful I do still miss people and feel homesick on a regular basis. But as I said in one of my earlier posts God is sovereign and I can and must trust him. I am becoming increasingly mindful of how weak my prayer life has been. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and I have been more prayerful as a result of not being able to see people. I am also still very conscious of folks prayers on my behalf too and am convinced that they are no small part in things going so well, so thank you.
I would be writing this post tomorrow but as tomorrow is the weekend I will have limited email access so I am writing this a day early.
I am astounded by the fact that I am still doing alright. I know I should probably not be so surprised, but the last move I made I was by this sort of time feeling dreadful and falling to pieces. I remember 2 Corinthians 3 v 17:
"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."I am not for one minute saying I am perfect (although on a sunny day in Wellington the reflection of the sun from my bald head can be pretty blinding but I think that is due to the lack of 0-zone layer not my having a halo), I still have long long long way to go, I know. But I am different to who I was three and a half years ago. God is as ever true to his word and is ongoingly transforming me and us a few degrees closer to the likeness of his Son. Not that is should need a complete change of circumstances for any of us to realise this but I am aware of it now and am thankful and even a little excited by it.
But saying that I do not feel dreadful I do still miss people and feel homesick on a regular basis. But as I said in one of my earlier posts God is sovereign and I can and must trust him. I am becoming increasingly mindful of how weak my prayer life has been. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and I have been more prayerful as a result of not being able to see people. I am also still very conscious of folks prayers on my behalf too and am convinced that they are no small part in things going so well, so thank you.
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
For my culture
I thought I was adjusting fairly well so far, and in many ways things are going really well. But I had not realised how the little differences between here and home and how I was generally missing home were starting to affect me. I have spent time in couple of different cultures over the last few years (Thailand, Czech republic, Hungary) and I have generally enjoyed the change and the experience. But I have now realised that there is a big difference between visiting and living.
I am beginning to realise why people encouraged me to make sure I spent some time with people who had moved from England to NZ; It is important to spend time with people understand the differences between NZ and home and the process of adjusting to life in NZ.
As for people who understand what it is like to move here, God has already graciously provided folk who have been here from few a months to a few years longer than me so I am making it a priority to spend time with them on a regularish basis.
Probably the most important thing I have realised this week is that I have been viewing things through two lenses. The narrow lens is how I view my little world here in Wellington; My friends, church, work student & office based, and my general experiences here. My wide lens is how I view things at overarching level; what the everything is like (be it culture, church, people, basically pretty much everything about NZ which by its nature includes the narrow lens stuff too) and how I am understanding it.
I have realised that I have spent too much time looking through my narrow lens. Which for my first few months is understandable. But it has the major downside of that from time to time I run into things that really throw me as from a narrow perspective lens point of view I think I understand much more that I think I do. But if I spend too much time at a wide lens perspective I can get completely overwhelmed.
The answer is not difficult to see. All I need to do is review from time to time how much time I am spending looking through each lens and remember to take time to look through the wide angle lens whilst recogniding that it takes time to get a good understanding of a new culture. You could almost say I am emphasising the need to keep things in perspective.
I am beginning to realise why people encouraged me to make sure I spent some time with people who had moved from England to NZ; It is important to spend time with people understand the differences between NZ and home and the process of adjusting to life in NZ.
As for people who understand what it is like to move here, God has already graciously provided folk who have been here from few a months to a few years longer than me so I am making it a priority to spend time with them on a regularish basis.
Probably the most important thing I have realised this week is that I have been viewing things through two lenses. The narrow lens is how I view my little world here in Wellington; My friends, church, work student & office based, and my general experiences here. My wide lens is how I view things at overarching level; what the everything is like (be it culture, church, people, basically pretty much everything about NZ which by its nature includes the narrow lens stuff too) and how I am understanding it.
I have realised that I have spent too much time looking through my narrow lens. Which for my first few months is understandable. But it has the major downside of that from time to time I run into things that really throw me as from a narrow perspective lens point of view I think I understand much more that I think I do. But if I spend too much time at a wide lens perspective I can get completely overwhelmed.
The answer is not difficult to see. All I need to do is review from time to time how much time I am spending looking through each lens and remember to take time to look through the wide angle lens whilst recogniding that it takes time to get a good understanding of a new culture. You could almost say I am emphasising the need to keep things in perspective.
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