A long way from where I wanted to be

This week I have had my first experiences of a crises type event at home. My Grandfather was taken into the hospital with problems with his breathing. The did some tests and were unhappy with the results but due to the medication he is on they were unable to do any further tests.

For the first few days I was unable to do anything except phone my family. The time difference was extremely frustrating I was very distressed about the fact that I could not be there with my family. After a few days of stressing it was time to take stock.

I remembered a lesson that I have already mentioned here but again had been quick to forget: prayer is important and I can and must entrust the people I care about into God's care through it. Secondly, to be thankful. Thankful for the time I have had with my Grandfather and very thankful that he is a Christian. Should he pass away before I can see him face to face again I know I will see him again in heaven where all the forces which are attacking his body will no longer be a problem.

No Comment

For a few weeks now I have been wondering why no-one leaves comments on my blog, I have just discovered comment monitoring which I have now switched off and low and behold lots of comments appeared! Considering web stuff is my job you'd think I'd have figured this out a while ago! Whoops!

More Randomness

I now have a nice new car that I am very excited about. It has all sorts of new toys from electric wing mirrors to drivers air bag. It has a little more power than the mighty Skoda (my previous car) and due to my rather speedy pulling away whilst getting used to it I learnt a new word: hoon.

hoon = equivalent term for "Boy racer" in the UK

flat white coffee = How to order and ordinary coffee when in a coffee shop in New Zealand. I asked if fizzy was an option and was politely informed that it was "flat" because the milk was "flat" as opposed to frothy

Wise words from the lads on the subject of God: "You specialise in comebacks". For more see their website


Doing the whole tourist thing I went to watch the West Indies play the New Zealand Black Caps. I was very excited to learn that Brian Lara (the guy whose named cricket computer game I used to play back in the day) was playing! Sadly he did not perform very well. He was out for one run in both their innings.

Transformers

Well, in a little over 19 hours I will have been in New Zealand for two months!

I would be writing this post tomorrow but as tomorrow is the weekend I will have limited email access so I am writing this a day early.

I am astounded by the fact that I am still doing alright. I know I should probably not be so surprised, but the last move I made I was by this sort of time feeling dreadful and falling to pieces. I remember 2 Corinthians 3 v 17:

"And we, who with unveiled faces all reflect the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his likeness with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit."

I am not for one minute saying I am perfect (although on a sunny day in Wellington the reflection of the sun from my bald head can be pretty blinding but I think that is due to the lack of 0-zone layer not my having a halo), I still have long long long way to go, I know. But I am different to who I was three and a half years ago. God is as ever true to his word and is ongoingly transforming me and us a few degrees closer to the likeness of his Son. Not that is should need a complete change of circumstances for any of us to realise this but I am aware of it now and am thankful and even a little excited by it.

But saying that I do not feel dreadful I do still miss people and feel homesick on a regular basis. But as I said in one of my earlier posts God is sovereign and I can and must trust him. I am becoming increasingly mindful of how weak my prayer life has been. Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder and I have been more prayerful as a result of not being able to see people. I am also still very conscious of folks prayers on my behalf too and am convinced that they are no small part in things going so well, so thank you.

For my culture

I thought I was adjusting fairly well so far, and in many ways things are going really well. But I had not realised how the little differences between here and home and how I was generally missing home were starting to affect me. I have spent time in couple of different cultures over the last few years (Thailand, Czech republic, Hungary) and I have generally enjoyed the change and the experience. But I have now realised that there is a big difference between visiting and living.

I am beginning to realise why people encouraged me to make sure I spent some time with people who had moved from England to NZ; It is important to spend time with people understand the differences between NZ and home and the process of adjusting to life in NZ.

As for people who understand what it is like to move here, God has already graciously provided folk who have been here from few a months to a few years longer than me so I am making it a priority to spend time with them on a regularish basis.

Probably the most important thing I have realised this week is that I have been viewing things through two lenses. The narrow lens is how I view my little world here in Wellington; My friends, church, work student & office based, and my general experiences here. My wide lens is how I view things at overarching level; what the everything is like (be it culture, church, people, basically pretty much everything about NZ which by its nature includes the narrow lens stuff too) and how I am understanding it.

I have realised that I have spent too much time looking through my narrow lens. Which for my first few months is understandable. But it has the major downside of that from time to time I run into things that really throw me as from a narrow perspective lens point of view I think I understand much more that I think I do. But if I spend too much time at a wide lens perspective I can get completely overwhelmed.

The answer is not difficult to see. All I need to do is review from time to time how much time I am spending looking through each lens and remember to take time to look through the wide angle lens whilst recogniding that it takes time to get a good understanding of a new culture. You could almost say I am emphasising the need to keep things in perspective.

Random Stuff

Today's post is brought to you by the location Eastbourne. I lived most of my life in Eastbourne, England. It is very different to Eastbourne here.

Bizarre: On Friday 17th February I slept through an earthquake that was 4.0 on the Richter scale.

New word: munted = spoiled/damaged

Funny but embarrassing: The phrase "Check you out". In the UK I would use this phrase to draw attention to something that another person would do. In New Zealand it generally means that you are hitting on someone (the equivalent of "how you doin" from Joey in Friends). I was thankful that the person I said it to just looked shocked and didn't slap me.

Wise saying from the lads on God's love: Your love, love is like a beetroot stain. That never ever goes away from me. Your love, Your love is with me everyday. I know Your love is here to stay with me. For more see their website

Road Tripping

For the staff conference week we drove from Wellington to Keswick (Rotorua New Zealand rather than the lake district in the UK). I was once again struck by the beauty of New Zealand and had the very exciting tourist experience of seeing Mount Doom from the Lord of the Rings films (although it looks distinctly less blown up and volcanic than at the end of the final film) which is classed as an active volcano.

Sacrificially I have volunteered to drive a minibus for the Wellington International Christian Fellowship annual ski trip later in the year so I'll get the chance to not only ski for the first time but ski near mount doom!

I have enjoyed driving around New Zealand largely due to the scenery but I have to confess that driving has begun to go a little sour on me. On thursday someone hit the car that I had been lent, making a dent down the wing and ripping a whole in the tyre. The driver of the van the lied to the police about the details and said it was my fault. Thankfuly I had the presence of mind to take pictures of the accident scene on my mobile phone which have gone a long way in helping my case so far. Two days later part of the gear box on the car went whilst I was driving on the motorway. Another four days later and friend gave me a lift home. Her car started leaking engine coolent on the way home.

Needless to say I now do not have a good reputation with cars!

The longing for belongings

I feel a little more settled now that my possessions have arrived. I have to confess that I feel more than a little guilty that I do feel better now they have arrived. When I think of the first missionaries to New Zealand they arrived with a suitcase after a long trip round the world by boat. I arrived with double my luggage allowance and six crates of my stuff arrived today.

It is has been an eye opener as to how much specific possessions become a part of you. I genuinely enjoyed giving furniture and other stuff away when I left Leicester back in November (I even laughed at the fact that I had worked so hard on getting furniture over the years only to give it away) but I have really missed things like my music collection for example and now I have more stuff here I feel more like I live here.

Maybe I'd feel different if I knew nothing else was coming but for now I am relieved to feel more at home.

Friends

I think it is fair to say as the weeks go by I have been getting more and more edgy in terms of homesickness. I am thankful that I have not sunk into deep home sickness but I have begun to realize how easy it is to become self-absorbed.

I first realized the first point when I met some new people at the weekend. I dominated the conversation entirely telling them various bits of information about me and my life. I wanted them to know and accept me, but came closer to overloading them with information and probably freaking them out. Any person who asked me innocent questions got lots of my thoughts and questions just poured out at them (my answers to the question "how are you finding New Zealand" were sometimes epic in lenth and slightly odd in terms of content). It is probably due in part to my not having made any close friends here yet and thereby needing to talk. But I think it is also due to fact that it is very easy (for me at any rate) to become self absorbed.

The last few weeks I have just done whatever as it didn't seem to matter as I had so few commitments. I was leaving home between 8 and 9am but got home between 7 and 7:30pm missing dinner with the butchers and eating on my own (I am well aware that some folk have to work these hours but right now there is no reason or need for me to). I had time to watch two hours of TV a night then go to bed. Any form of personal time with God got junked. What started as enjoying a relaxed approach to life turned into doing what I wanted and not caring about anyone else and feeling more and more isolated. I had not realised that not knowing many people and spending time on my own would lead to me becoming self-absorbed so quickly.

A solutions to this struggle was not hard to find. I have now booked in time every week to catch up with at least one good friend back in the UK by phone as opposed to my normal method of email. This has the double benefit of allowing me to hear how they are doing verbally as opposed to in print (which is always better) and giving me contact with people that know me. This may sound selfish, and it would be selfish if it weren't for the fact that it is so important to hear how people are doing.

The cure to getting absorbed in yourself is to keep the important things important (Luke 10 v 27).

Music to my ears

Okay, first thing to do is apologize for taking so long in updating my blog, sorry!

Probably the best place to pick things up from is the Parachute music festival (check out http://websites.parachutemusic.com/festival/2006/index2.html). Music has always been a big feature in my life. From my early days performing in Orchestra's as a teenager to my near financial undoing working in the music an video sectioon of a store. So it was great (if very hot) to be able to spend the weekend listening to various (Christian) bands from NZ and wider.

I think it is a fair thing to say that a lot of the music has a countryfied feel to it. But bands similar to the group madness in the UK are quite popular too.

I was given the album Available Light by Dave Dobyn (see http://www.davedobbyn.co.nz/) as a welcome to NZ present by TSCF and the song welcome home was played as a welcome at staff conference. The opening verse:

Tonight I am feeling for you under the state of a strange land
you have sacrificed much to be here ‘there but for grace…’ as I offer my hand
welcome home, i bid you welcome, i bid you welcome
welcome home from the bottom of my heart

struck a chord (so to speak) after my first few weeks here.

Dobyn is a famous musician (he is good friends with the Finn brothers of Crowded House fame) here in new Zealand who became a Christian. His music makes good and interesting listening.

Then we have the lads (check out http://www.theladsband.com/). They are a brilliant, funny and thoughtful band. The song cannibalism is great comment on whether there are moral absolutes, the chorus goes:

Cannibalism's wrong. You must fight, it don't deny
Cannibalism's wrong. Come on people, can't you see
Cannibalism's wrong. Don't be tempted, to eat them
Cannibalism's wrong. Don't deny it you must fight
Cannibalism's wrong. Don't eat your best friend's thigh you know why
Cannibalism's wrong. Even if they deserve it, you can't eat them ‘cos it’s wrong

and the song ends with the good advice:

If you do don't eat the skin, it's fattening.

Another CD on my list to buy is She Will Have Her Way which is an album of cover versions of songs from the band crowded house that are sung by various female artists from New Zealand and Australia.

On arriving

Well I’ve been here about 10 days. The first thing to say is how welcoming everyone has been. My host family have been just stunning; they have welcomed me into their home and treated my like I have always been here. They have been chatty and helpful and generally great. I cannot emphasise enough how much this has helped in the move so far. All the other folk I have met through work or through my host family have been friendly, supportive, and understanding of my ignorance about practically everything.

So far my doubts as to whether coming here was the right thing to do have been silent.

I have learnt my first cross cultural lesson: It is okay for the people of a country to make fun of their country but not for me as an immigrant. Yesterday some of the kiwi’s were laughing about how strange some of the things they do and say are, and we all laughed. I pointed out some more things I saw as odd and nobody laughed.

The weather (stupid thing to mention I know) has been wetter and windier than England which considering it is supposed to be summer makes me laugh as it is quite like home.

Home sickness hasn’t been too bad so far. The hardest times have been when people talk about family reunion events or what nephews and nieces have been doing, which reminds me of how long it will be till I see mine again. Work is good; I am enjoying the new challenge though some days it has been a little overwhelming.

I have gotten over my fear of the sun. I read that the burn time is 10 minutes. I have a hate of sun cream so will only put it on when I really have to. I spend my first few days here sticking to the shaded side of the road so that I wouldn’t get sun burnt. I got bored of that, but was mystified by why when doing a half hour walk each way to and from the office to the train station I wasn’t getting burnt. Someone suggested you got burnt worse if you were just lying in the sun, but why would moving make a difference? You can’t dodge sun rays!

My first experience of Church was good. As ever the people were very welcoming. The guest speaker was supposed to be speaking on the body of Christ from Ephesians 4 but pretty much used every passage in the New Testament that mentioned Christ's body. It was what the bible said but it wasn't exactly preaching the passage. What made it difficult was that she preached from the Message version which translated (I think v8) to include the word 'booty' I think in the treasure sense but I still had to stifle my laughter.

Some further observations:

Hooray!
There are enough new brands of coffee to try to last me a few years at least.
I am being lent a car for a few weeks, can’t wait to be mobile again!

Interesting
There are more Cadburys chocolate bars available here than I saw in the U.K., Black Forest dairy milk for example

Bad
Income tax is high, about 33%

Scary
All trains around the world seem to have the sign in the window saying what to do in case of a fire. In Wellington they have the amusing addition of what to do if an earthquake strikes.

Odd
Manchester: the name for the department in a store where you get bedding and towels

New Phrases to use
“Turned to custard” meaning when it (situation, project or whatever) has all gone wrong

On leaving

“The hardest part was letting go not taking part”

From “The Hardest Part” by Coldplay, from the album X & Y.

That pretty much sums up how I feel about leaving my home in England. I have run through a whole range of emotions as I have prepared to leave for New Zealand, from excitement at a new challenge to anger at having to leave my life that I was happy with behind. It has reopened and reclosed some old struggles and brought about some new ones, and done the last thing that I expected it to do which was provide an opportunity to grow.

General reflections on relationships: It is pretty much impossible to communicate the value (by that I mean how much you love and appreciate them) you place on someone to that person. I have had two months in which to travel around saying goodbye to some of my closest friends and family. When it came to saying goodbye properly I was always lost for words and could not communicate what I wanted to communicate. Come to think of it I do not understand why I ever thought I would be able to. To some of you this may not come as a big revelation, but to me it was. It has never really bothered me before as I’ve always been able to keep in some contact with people wherever they are in the country. But now I have left I will not be able to do so in the same way and to the same level and this has broken my heart at times. At times I have worried that people would think I don’t care about them any more and that could not be further from the truth. I have since then realised that no one thought that of me except me. So what have I learnt as a result? To be thankful for God’s sovereignty. I can and must trust that the people who I care about are safe in God’s hands. To think any less is to make too much of myself and too little of God. I also can and must trust God that the relationships that matter to me will not fade away (obviously I need to do my part in maintaining them and so must they) due to geography. I have also learnt to be thankful for memories. I have many many happy memories of home which I am thankful to have and which are far better to think about than what I will be missing out on over the next few years.

Old wounds: It has not been easy coming to terms with moving overseas on my own. I have to admit that for a long time I wished I had a wife to move with. I struggled with why I had to move on my own and really struggled as friends got married and started dating. What have I learned? I have far from got being single figured out but for now I have realised how sinful it is to look at other people in wish to be like them. Ultimately it is a form of envy. At best it is envying that fact that they have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex. At worst it is envying them for the girl they are dating too. That is neither loving them nor good for me and just leads towards resentment. Some bible verses that friends have shared that were helpful are Mark 10 v 29, 30. As a wise person once said to me, I can trust that God’s plan is best for me even if it means remaining single for life. Now I am here, in some ways I am thankful that I am single. Having observed the others whom I have moved with it is a much bigger deal to move a family. I really would encourage other single folk to consider overseas missions. In a very small way I have begun to realise more of what Paul is talking about in 1 Corinthians 7 v 32.

I am extremely thankful for my family; for the part we play in each others lives, and for my nephews and nieces whom I love as if they were my own (I will miss watching them grow up and will find it hard not being part of their lives in the way that I have been) and for great time we’ve had so far.

Whose life is it anyway?: I have to be honest for a while I did not want to leave England. I have a family who I am very close to, friends who have become like family, and had a job that I loved building and loved doing. Moving overseas was not part of my plan for my life. I raged at God (and my parents as they happened to be there at the time) as to why he was calling me overseas: it was not part of MY plan! I had similar struggles just moving to Leicester from London which I remembered after. I then remembered (or the Spirit brought to mind?) Titus 2 v 11 – 12. My life is no longer my own for it has been purchased by Christ through his blood shed on the cross which teaches me to say no to sin and yes to obedience.

I am really thankful that I was able to spend time with folk before I left and I had a great time everyway I went (I affectionately referred to it as my farewell tour). Christmas was a wonderful end to the year with family.

I dropped into Leicester for a day shortly after new years and I realised how much life had moved on for folk in Leicester and how I wasn't part of it in the same way I was when I lived there. In many ways I had already left my 'normal' life which made leaving the country a little easier.

So then I left. Not as a begrudging slave who has been beaten into submission but as a son who realises (be it a little) the sacrifice that has been made for him and thankful for what God has in His grace given him (grace, family, friends and memories to name but a few things).

On New Zealand

So, New Zealand. Apparently the next furthest place from England would be in outer space. Having been to New Zealand it doesn’t feel like the furthest place on the earth from England.

It has often been said to me that New Zealand is like England 20 years ago. That is not the case. Some things are a little under developed (the main road from Auckland to Wellington is one lane only for a large stretch, broadband internet access is not available everyway and is expensive compared to England) but from a cultural perspective New Zealand has always been ahead. To give but two examples New Zealand was one of the first countries to give women the right to vote and legalised gay marriage before England.

It is a land of great beauty and in some ways ugliness. The land is stunningly green. Everyway I look there are green hills and forests. There is so much space. This place has taught me to see the glory of God in his creation (For a guy like me who is not normally bothered by scenery this is quite a big deal). The people I’ve met have been amazingly friendly and couldn’t really have made me more welcome. The pace of life is relaxed and laid back and generally enjoyable.

But I met a Barnardos children’s worker who told me that New Zealand has the second highest recorded rate of child abuse in the world. I have also been told that there is also a high suicide rate amongst adult males.

Amongst the students I have met they seem to struggle with being disconnected from their families, not in simply in a homesick kind of way. Greenday released the song “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” from the album “American Idiot”:

“I walk this lonely road, the only one that I have ever known… I’m the only one and I walk alone”

Sounds like the people I am meeting.

From a Christian perspective, the church is in an interesting time. Christians are seeking to make church relevant and accessible to the people of New Zealand (which I think in some ways is why they have been so good at welcoming new comers like me), but I have gotten the impression that teaching the bible well is not a priority and in some places not desired. It is vital that we are being relevant and engaging with people in way that connects with them, but doing that without reference to what God has revealed to us in the bible is going to go wrong.

As a Christian I cannot help but think that New Zealand as a culture is what England will be like in a few years. Now as much as ever people need to hear the good news about Jesus. The Church in New Zealand is trying to engage with it but in some quarters is drifting in the process. I hope that the Church in England is watching what is going on over here. Not because we are getting it all right but because this is what things might be like there before long.

The main reason I came here is to play my part in the Tertiary Students Christian Fellowship, whose main function is summed up as “Students as a bridge for other students to meet Christ”. That function is something I am very excited and very keen to be a part of. Another reason I am here is to do my best to support the team that I came over as a part of.

I’m here for a while. Let’s see how things go. I am new to blogging, hopefully I’ll get better.